Love and Marriage?

I am no expert at marriage although I am two days away from my twenty-year wedding anniversary. I feel like if this were a job, I would be considered an expert and would feel like one as well. Every day brings on a new emotion. One day I feel like I can compromise on an issue that makes me feel unhappy and jaded and the next I am questioning if I am giving too much.

How much happiness are we allowed or should we expect? There is not greener grass elsewhere. To get this far there had/has to be love, right? Do most marriages hit this bump after a lifetime together or has our extreme circumstances placed us here? Ten years ago, I wanted to be like my grandparents who were celebrating 45 years together. I just knew they had it figured out. Today I wonder if they just tolerate each other out of convenience and habit.

There are obvious reasons to continue to work on a long-lasting marriage and not just to avoid being alone. Your spouse knows you better than you know yourself. You have experienced the best of and the worst of life together. In our case, we lost an adult aged child a little over a year ago. She was tumultuous from a very early age and we fought hard together and against each other to try to help her. We shared that. All of that. No one else in this world knows our experience like we do. However, grief of that magnitude takes a toll on a marriage but that’s for another blog.

I believe my spouse will always have my back and in most ways be my best friend. I still need to tell him everything interesting that happens. However, at least 40% of the time I feel positive we should end it these days. Most of my issues are menial so I try to keep that in perspective. We still have great “adult time,” in fact it keeps getting better.

If I were an expert I would have the answers to my questions. How long is long enough to see if the “happiness” returns? If this is it, is it enough? We still laugh together, talk about other people together, cry together, etc. Isn’t that more than some ever have in a relationship? Is it weird that I am reading my words back to myself in the voice of Carrie Bradshaw from Sex in the City?

Anyway, I welcome comments and individual experiences from those that have walked in shoes like mine or even crystal slippers if they can relate. It is okay if we disagree. I love an intelligent debate.




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